Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson

A Summary

I thought it would start the blog off strong and reread one of my favorites from last year; Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson. The story follows a sixteen-year-old girl, Mary Addison, who was convicted when she was nine for murdering a baby that her mother was babysitting; Alyssa Richardson. She gets out of prison, but will spend the next two years in a group home for teenage criminals. Until she gets pregnant. Now she has to tell the truth about what happened to that baby in order to save and keep hers.

Mary's Life

The book is crazy from start to finish. The first part of Mary’s life that is introduced is the group home. The women who run the group home are negligent and often verbally abusive. They have no interest in rehabilitating Mary or any of the other girls in their care. The therapist that comes to see them seems unqualified to deal with the girls; she seems to be unsure of what any of them have been through or how to help them.

The other girls there are described in ways that make them seem mean, violent,  and paranoid. Mary’s time in the group home is defined by the most violent girls there, picking different targets based on perceived slights against them and beating them bloody. Several times throughout the story, she is scared for her own life, and she might have been right to be. Because of this, she makes friends with the “new girl”, who is in for trying to murder her mother by pushing her down a flight of stairs. The new girl is nicer and seems less violent than the other girls, so Mary rooms with her. She was definitely wrong about that. New girl ends up being one of the worst of them.

The next part of her life that is introduced is her boyfriend, Ted. Both of them lived in group homes and were volunteering at a nursing home because volunteer hours were court ordered. They met there and began their relationship.

Ted is three years older than Mary when he gets her pregnant. Therefore, their relationship has to be kept a secret because the age of consent in NY is 17, but she was fifteen when she got pregnant. (She turns 16 about 3 weeks into her pregnancy) I’m not sure how to feel about Ted. The age gap makes me side eye him, but he seems like genuine enough that I won’t call the cops...for now.

Mary and Ted find out that she’s pregnant and decide to keep it. In order to keep her child, Mary decides then that she will come clean and finally tell the truth. Her mother killed Alyssa during a manic episode.

“Our eyes meet, both knowing it ain’t

that simple to give up on people you love that 

don’t love you the same.”

After concluding that her housemates will be the death of her baby, who she and Ted have nicknamed Bean. She gets a lawyer, who I am in love with, named Cora. She revisits Mary’s case and determines that it makes no sense at all. Because it doesn’t. In excerpts from books written about her case, doctors try to evaluate and diagnose Mary, but she won’t talk. Which means she can hardly be properly assessed and whether she can stand trial depends on her ability to communicate effectively (or something). Not only that, but when she talks, all she says is that she doesn’t remember. There wasn’t even an attorney present when she was interviewed by the police. Despite that, she was offered a plea deal, which her mother accepted, and sent to jail for the rest of her childhood.

Mary is also preparing to take the SATs. Despite SEVERAL obstacles holding her back. Which makes me hopeful for her. Despite her circumstances she's still trying to set herself up for a good life. While preparing for the practice test, she meets the wonderful Ms. Claire. A woman who does her best to make sure that Mary has everything she needs to succeed. She lets Mary take her SAT tutoring course for free and even gives her books to read and teaches her unfamiliar words. Ms. Claire is probably my favorite part of the whole book. 

Mary’s mother is my least favorite. Mary’s relationship with her mother is complicated. She loves her mom and blames her for everything. Her memories paint a picture of a child that is forced to take care of an adult, making sure she eats when she’s depressed and even monitoring the rent money.

Her mother is an awful person. Listen, I’m not saying you have to keep loving your kid after they murder a baby in front of you, but holy fuck, this woman is awful. First of all, why do people keep dying around here? Before Mary was even born, her brother, sister and husband all died. She straight up admits to murdering her boyfriend at the end of the book. But the way she treats Mary like an afterthought gets me because you’re there or you’re not. Pick one. It’s unclear what her mom thinks happened to Alyssa, but it is 1000% her fault that baby died.

Her mother did a bunch of horrible shit that led to Alyssa dying. She left a nine-year-old to take care of a baby alone all night; she babysat a child, knowing that she has episodes where she becomes unpredictable. She taught her nine-year-old child how to open her own CHILDPROOF pill bottle (all prescription pill bottles are childproof). She also came into Ms. Richardson’s house unannounced after her BABY DIED to talk about how she was going to take care of Mary (the girl who allegedly murdered her baby) AFTER THE TRIAL!!! The woman was unexplainably cruel and mean.

"A knife cuts me open from my heart down to my belly button. I’m
bleeding to death and no one can see."

The book ends when Mary has a final confrontation with her mother and then one with one girl in the group home and decides that she doesn’t want her mother to go to jail (I think). She asks Cora to give up on the investigation and decides to live in a nice group home for pregnant girls instead. During the conversation, Mary admits she hid the thing that really killed Alyssa when she was just nine years old. She even kept her fingerprints off it. She seems to know that she and her mother are both responsible for the baby’s death. Though she believes her part was an accident.

In the end, Mary admits to the reader that she’d wanted Ms. Richardson’s attention the entire time. She wanted Ms. Richardson to take her away from her mother (fair). She wanted to show her she could take care of a baby, but Alyssa was being bad, so she gave her some of her pills to make her stop crying. She seems determined that her baby will be a better baby than Alyssa, because he won’t cry. This leads me to believe that she will kill her baby when he inevitably keeps her up at night by being a “Bad Baby” and crying.

Some things that I found particularly interesting about this story. The first one is the subtle, unreliable narration. It seemed like Mary was the good one from the beginning. Why would a nine-year-old kill anyone? Even if she did, wouldn’t it have been an accident? Still, there are small things that point to her being the bad guy all along. One of them is her inability to take responsibility for her wrongdoings. She even though she hurt Kelly for attention, she isn’t even apologetic for boiling the girl’s face. Did she break Ms. Richardson’s crystal rabbit as well and then blame it on her mother?

Another thing was that her internal dialogue was often her “snapping out” of a daydream. Can she not do her chores at the same time that she thinks? Does she really talk to herself? How insane is Mary?

One moment that sticks out to me is when China told the other girls that she saw Mary walking around naked. From Mary’s point of view, China watched her take a shower. For whatever reason, while I was reading, I was more inclined to believe that China was a creep than that Mary was more insane than she made herself out to be. A day after finishing the book, I realize Mary was probably the craziest person in her home,  but SHE thought she was a victim, so the audience does too.

The End

The ending leaves me wondering how much Mary cares about anyone in her life besides Ms. Richardson. Did she really love Ted or was he just a placeholder for the adoration she wanted from Mrs. Richardson? If Ms. Richardson still refuses to adopt Bean, then what will Mary do? She finishes her time at the group home  by poisoning one of the caregivers.

When the story ends she admits that she convinced everyone that she was innocent, then rants about why Alyssa was a bad baby. Is Mary actually a psychopath?

My Reaction to Other Reviews

It seems to me like this book was received really well! Most people liked the ending, but some didn't. That's okay! None of the others are addressing the best part of the ending though, so I will

Mary got what she wanted.

She didn't give up, she just dropped the case. Mary is just as intelligent as every single one of those book excerpts said she was. She hid the evidence to frame her mother when she was nine years old. She got her case opened again and convinced every person around her that she was innocent. The book ends before it happens but it seems to me like Mary will be exonerated even after she took Ms. Cora off the case because the case has been reopened and will be re-investigated. She will seem like an innocent girl who didn't want her mom to go to jail and still doesn't.